I am really struggling right now. To give in to God's will, to worship Him when all I want to do is ask why He is doing this to me? This life is HARD. I see the gifts that He has given me to serve Him with, and yet I feel like I am not even being allowed to use them. He disciplines those that He loves, as the father disciplines the son in whom he delights (Prov. 3:12). So I know I have done wrong, I have left His side and made my own way, and He loves me enough to pull me back to Him. Why do I have such a hard time giving up my own dreams and aspirations though? It should be crystal clear to me that He has plans beyond those of my wildest dreams, and that only in Him will I find true joy. I feel it sometimes, when I know He is there and with me, when I am focusing my eyes on Him and Him alone. There are so many words of assurance and love and forgiveness in the Bible, and they were written for you and I, to lead us in the ways of the Lord so that we might find redemption and peace. Where is my peace then? Why is it so hard to trust the One that shaped me and gave me the breath that I breathe to provide for me?
It always comes back to pride. I want to think that my plan is better, that I can accomplish everything without His help, without His gift of salvation. I want to know WHY for everything, when I am only human, and I cannot fathom why the birds fly or why the sea is salty. All I need to know is Him and His love.
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