Well that wasn't actually my purpose in blogging today though, because I really wanted to share what the pastor talked about last week for those of you that may come across this and aren't Summit-goers (what! Hello, hitch a ride with me on Sunday...seriously). The wisdom of Proverbs series continues, and we are almost all the way through the book of Proverbs, for the first time at least. Then we get to do it again!
So the topic of the sermon was healing relationships, and I've recently had multiple conversations with some close friends about this, and actually been able to apply these principles to their lives and mine, which I find really cool :) So here are the reasons that JD came up with as to why relationships dissolve and how to fix them (and this isn't just romantic relationships either...what college student doesn't argue with their parents every so often?).
1. React slowly
- Certain subjects with most of us cause us to just, shut down and abort all sense of morality completely. You want to talk about my grades Mom? How about you go back to college and balance all that our generation puts on their plates? Huh? ...Not quite the attitude that pleases and glorifies God right? And here's another thing, while I'm thinking ADD-style. Even if you think that it's just you and the person you're angry at that the conflict concerns, consider your friends that overhear your tone and your words. What if they aren't Christians, and you are one of their only ties to the Christian faith? What kind of example are you setting for them? Or the kid walking behind you on campus (I've been that girl!)?
- So let's instate the 24-hr. rule. Wait 24 hours to send that nasty, cutting email that you wrote the minute you hung up the phone with your boyfriend. Reread at the end of the 24 hours...do you really still want to send something that hurtful that is full of angry emotion? Or has the conflict probably already been smoothed over? Also, if you wait 24 hours and you are still agitated about something, then hopefully you've had time to think about A. what's really bothering you and B. a kinder, more mature way to say it (most things sound better than "you're acting like a two year-old" when you've had time to think them over.
- Umm, hello, was this rule about ME? Whoops, my secret is out! When I "know" that I am right, then you'd have to take a space shuttle to reach the height that my ego has attained in .05 seconds. Often enough though, I turn out to be wrong in these situations...and then I have to beg for forgiveness and walk around like a toddler with a full diaper for a day or two.
- The point that JD made here was that we are first the sinner and second the one sinned against. The story in the Bible goes like this...a poor man who had worked his life away to pay off his great debt was in court with the person he owed the money to. There was really no way the man was going to be able to pay back all that he was in debt for, and basically, he, his kids, his grandkids, and beyond, would be working to pay this massive loan off. He begged for forgiveness on his knees in front of the court, and the bank man, in a moment of sincerity, looked at him and simply said, "You know what, it's cool. I'm ripping up the paper that says you owe me this monstrous amount of money, just, go and be free, enjoy your life!" So obviously, the poor man was like, jumping for joy at this point. He goes outside to head home and tell his wife this fantastic news, and he sees a man on the street who he bought a Coke for last week. The guy doesn't have the money right that second to pay the poor man back for the Coke though, and the poor man drags the guy to court over his unpaid debt. Seems kind of silly right? So basically, even though Jesus has forgiven you for the million billion trillion dollars you owe him for you know, saving your life and giving you eternal salvation, you want to make your friend pay for that silly, offhanded comment she made about your new dress not being her favorite. Hmm...
- This is where you LET IT GO. Don't seek revenge. Don't go tell all your friends how horrible your other friend was. Just, let it be. An interesting perspective on the fishing-and-dishing technique that seems to be so popular with girls my age (you know, you fish to see why she's crying, then for all the 'juicy' details about the breakup, and then encourage her to dish to all the other girls, and any random person on the street that may know the person who wronged her); by going around and telling everyone about what he did to you that was soooo wrong, you're trying to degrade others' opinions of that person. Yeah, he may have been wrong when he went to dinner with that other girl, but by poisoning your friends' minds about him, you are spreading the sin like fertilizer. It's a personal matter, and hurting him by telling everyone so that they all think he's a horrible person is not what Jesus would do.
- Do not respond with malice or sarcasm (really??) and offer reconciliation. DO be honest with the person about how they have sinned, so that they might be able to recognize their behavior in the future and stop it. The honest words of a friend are sometimes uncomfortable at first, but if they aim to do good, then that is the mark of true friendship and love.
- All our sins have been forgiven. You and I have done nothing to earn this great gift of love. Remember this amazing fact and it makes it very hard to hold anything against someone, especially someone you love and are close to.
Okey dokey, that's all I've got for now. I was really impressed with this sermon personally, because I am definitely guilty of jumping to conclusions and acting out in anger, often with terrible consequences and lots of hurt feelings :(
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