Today was a great day :) I went running in the delicious humidity (okay, that might be sarcasm, but it was a nice run!) and then went and hung out with a friend who is always an encouragement, whether or not he realizes it. We went to see the horribly bad new Judd Apatow movie, full of laughs but SHEESH the language! Anyways, as we were walking around the mall after the movie (and he was hiding from any screen showing the US-England World Cup game so that he could watch it in its entirety later), he asked me a question that left me rather speechless. Speechless for me is a rare phenomenon, though my tongue is always one of the things I struggle the most with taming. He asked me what I was looking for in a significant other. I kind of laughed and went to answer and realized, I really don't know. I know what I've chosen in the past, and through that I've learned a little about what personalities don't mesh well with mine, what traits I admire in someone, and I can easily make a vague list of desirable characteristics in a lifelong partner. But what I want, what I'm attracted to...hmm.
I guess what bothers me about this is that I believe without a plan, things fail. I plan my days, my errands, my grocery lists; my Google calendar is color-coded and minutely detailed. I realize that I have a definite issue with control (or rather the lack of it), and that as a Christian, I need to trust the Lord with every little thing, and not spend time worrying about earthly entanglements. However, I also don't think that actively placing my trust and life in the Lord means that I should not plan at all...just that I should make plans that are a. centered around glorifying Him and b. flexible should He call me to something else.
Tangent over, but I'm throwing this out there for those of us who rant, I mean define, what we don't want in a godly husband. And, this seems to extend to other areas too...We can critique the way our churches do things, the way others raise their kids, the way a friend acts towards us, but do we ever stop to examine what the positives are? Do you actually know what you do want in a friend, in a relationship, in your ministry, in your parenting? Are we ruling out people because the qualities we see in them we associate with negative characters we've encountered before? Are we judging others because of what they fail to do, where they've been in their past, or are we asking God to take away the burdens of our heart and cleanse away the hardened souls we develop over time?
Are we too busy focusing on our sin to look up and see the beauty of the cross?
The Christian radio station I listen to did this challenge a few weeks back for its listeners, asking if they could go 30 days without saying anything negative. At first, I thought it would be easy, because I consider myself a positive person. However, as the days dragged on and I caught myself thinking about ways that someone could have handled a situation differently, the things that I don't do well, etc, I realized that I am guilty of constantly judging God's creations, including myself. One of my favorite verses, Psalm 19:14, reads "May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in Your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer." In Phillipians 4:8, Paul commands us to think about whatever is true, pure, admirable, lovely, noble, and right. Basically, when you boil it down, it's "don't waste My time thinking about the past, others' or your own flaws, spend time meditating on My Word, My love for you, My sacrifice, how you might better glorify My name." Which is a great point. We have only the rest of our earthly lives to further His kingdom and when we let the Devil drag us into focusing on things we can't change, things that God was in control of the whole time, then we are wasting His time, wasting the gift of life He's given us.
I'm still not sure exactly what I'm looking for. But I know that from now on, I'm going to pray for revelation in that area, and also for what I do desire, not what I'd like to avoid or what I coulda-shoulda-woulda done if things had been this way or that way.
:)
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