saying goodbye.

i'm not willing to settle.

i need someone who makes me melt

inside and out

who can laugh with me when i make friends with the cashier at home depot

and hold my hand and kiss it in the car

who can gaze into my eyes while i cry 

or dance in the thunderstorms

who can love me in these redhead gone-wild-wanna-leave-life-and-go-somewhere-applied-to-teach-in-georgia moods

and in my wants to sit close on the porch swing and read books mood

who can be silly with me in public

and take me out to a nice quiet dinner in a fancy restaurant and talk sweet 

who can meet my family and impress them

but who can get grimy and shoot guns and drive a truck

who can respect my need for diamonds

and tahoes

who can sway with me to country music

whether he likes the music or not

who can tell me i look smokin

or beautiful in the same sentence

who can sit with me while i'm under the weather and make me feel beloved, but not crowd my space

who can love Jesus

and a good friday night

who can snuggle me on the couch 

and go on a bike ride 

and go visit pony-baby 

i need someone who makes me swoon the same way you did 

who puts that sparkle in my step

who makes me want to be a better woman

who makes me wanna stay up all night talking 

even though it makes me ugly in the morning 

who forces me to embrace life and youth and moments of bliss

i wanna love somebody like that

and i want them to love me like that too

i could settle for someone who's going to love me more than i love them

but i don't believe in that 

it's going to be hard 

to be utterly alone

no best friend

no lover

no fighter :)

but

i want a love that puts ours to shame.  

i'll always wish it was our love.  but i respect that you know that i'm not it for you.  i respect that you want to have the kind of love that i have for you, for someone else.  i don't want you to settle for me.  as much as i do, i want more for you than less than what you want.  

i believe that God wants us to be joyful and beloved

and to fight for that feeling for the next fifty years

it won't always be easy 

no matter who it is

there will be moments where you hate her 

but 

you are called to love.

you are designed to love

to forgive 

to grow

and to see the redemption of Christ in the love you have for your spouse

i pray for that for you

i love you 

i will never

stop

loving you

goodbye.